Lately I have grown exhausted.
Search & Social has grown to be a pretty important player in the search marketing space, although we normally remain pretty quiet about it. Our second venture, Second Step Search, hasn’t even been officially launched into Beta and is already cash flow positive for the entire year of 2010; no small feat for a software based endeavor. And all of this has led to my energy consistently draining.
I stay up at night thinking about things like profit margins, growth projections, and how to stay ahead of the insane learning curve that the internet poses to marketing companies and entrepreneurs alike.
None of this is natural.
Man is supposed to worry about finding shelter, food, and keeping their family unit secure. Most of our modern concerns are not bound to reality. They are concerns that revolve around money, the future, and other things we have little to no control over.
Then in the middle of concerns over nothing, sometimes reality comes creeping in, and the force between the two opposing ideas can literally cause a person to crack.
Case in point:
Today I had to go read story time at my son Dante’s school. He is 4 and attends a Montessori day school here in Tampa. Each week they have a parent come in, and this week I volunteered. Early this morning I dreaded it because I was in a horrible mood, worrying about all of the things that I become focused on during the course of a work week.
I showed up early to Dante’s school, and got to hangout with him and his friends on the playground.
I felt a swelling in my throat. Weird enough, but I moved on.
Story time was set to begin. I brought two books from home, Pog and Dr. Seuss’s ABCs, and we all headed in to hear them.
We sat down, and first up was Pog, which is a cool story that flips the concept of monsters upside down. I started to read, and again felt this swelling in my throat as I looked over to Dante’s glowing face. He was so excited to have his daddy at school, and sharing “our story time” with his friends.
I finished the first story, and we moved on to the next. It was our ritual that Dante helps me read Dr. Seuss’s ABCs since it is one of the only books he can help me read. He scooted over to me when I was ready, and began to read the first page with me.
Here I was with my 4 year old son, who was reading openly to his class. I quickly realized how impressive he was, and important to me. How Dante, his brother, and mother, our family, is the MOST important thing I have accomplished in my 29 years.
Reality crashed into my unnatural concerns and I cracked.
One page into the story I had to excuse myself. I walked outside of the classroom and began to openly weep. Now imagine that sight! You are a teacher and in your hallway there is a 6’2. 275 pound, tattooed man crying. I know some people will think this is ridiculous behavior for a grown man, but I really don’t have much respect for those people.
I was crying tears of joy. I had realized what my reality was. It was not what car I drive, how much money I make, or any number of other things I dwell on daily. It was my family. Before you say thats because I don’t have to worry about money, remember where I came from.
I regrouped and returned to story time. Dante and I reading OUR story to the delight of his class. It was one of the happiest moments of my life, and I am still reeling from it as I write this post.
It’s strange how the universe chooses to bring us back down from the great heights we create for ourself. Hopefully I can hold onto this grounded feeling for a while.
That’s awesome.
Dave,
Great ground roots perspective on what our end goals and purpose to working in this business is REALLY about.
Sounds like Search & Social IMSB can’t come soon enough for you to relax a bit – that is beyond organizing it – will you be bringing your family out to that?
,Michael Martin
Moving story Dave. Just goes to show that people in the search industry aren’t all robots. ;)
you made me cry you big hunk of softie <3
Thanks for that. Not sure what else there is to say.
Dave, this is an amazing post. I totally know where you’re coming form and it’s so easy to get sucked into the everyday. I’m glad you got to take a minute step back and see what’s important.
Hope all is well mate. Happy to hear that Search and Social is doing great!
Dave — this is such a great story! Thank you for sharing! My favorite memories as a child surround the things I did with my family, not how nice our car was. [Uhm, it wasn't.] Your kids will thank you for this perspective and be awesome adults because of it!
Dave, I can’t think of words to explain how awesome this was to read. Sometimes you have to put things in perspective and realize whats important…
Right now I’m going through the same challenges daily and reading this puts things in perspective for me…
TA
Dave, I think it is very cool that you can be “man” enough to write this. I know that I run all day working on this site or that or researching/planning and I am so stressed, but I can take one look at my son as he sleeps and be humbled and realize that in the grand scheme of things he is all that matters. It is great to finally achieve the success that I wanted, but it should not be my #1 priority. The stress of it shouldn’t overshadow my family life.
Your son is blessed that you are the type of dad that can see what is of real value.
Thanks for having the guts to come out like this and talk about it. I have 3 kids and was constantly thinking about work. The guilt accumulated because of this was unbearable.
Three months ago I started consulting from home full time and forced myself to spend more time with my family. Economically it was a great decision, but emotionally it was the best decision ever.
You don’t want to remember this period in your life solely for your professional success 20 years down the line.
Congrats on your epiphany :D
Dave this is such a great story. Thank you for sharing!
Dave, I love ya man, and I ain’t afraid to admit it.
What a great story. It’s so easy to get caught up in the everyday stresses of life that we forget what’s truly important. Thanks for sharing!
Bridget Weber
One more thing, Lego Batman rocks! Love the shirt! I look forward to meeting you at the Search and Social Summit!
Dave – I can’t say that most of in this business are as you perfectly describe above (walking the naked edge), but I think we are. Every day, brother, every day I think how blessed and incredibly lucky I am to have my girls, my wife, and such an amazing family.
Thanks for making me take time out today to give it thanks once again.
*applause*
Realizing your highest truth, Dave, is definitely cause for celebration!
The fact that you’ve come so far, and yet managed to keep your feet firmly planted on the ground, is a living testament to the type of person you are; strong, caring, genuine…. and someone that a lot of us feel very blessed to know :)
Thank you so much for sharing this and congratulations on all your success both personal and professional!
Great post! Very true, I think as many of us develop in our career we worry about balancing the real important things in our life.
Dave – You’ve nailed so many worthwhile points with that story. You’re absolutely right, nothing else matters.
It’s a lesson that all of us in the search industry would do well to remember.
When we cut through all the bull, most of us are looking for the same thing. A happy family and good, trustworthy friends.
Maybe that should remind us that honesty and NON-marketing-corporate-SEO/SEM-speech is the important part of our lives and the one we should all cling to, never letting it go.
Dave,
I love your posts and especially your writing style! I am going to go home now and cuddle my dog, as he’s my fur child :)
My moment was in 3rd grade, my daughter wanted me to bring in our Siamese for show and tell. All went well until the teacher asked if it was OK if the kids pet the cat, and he’s pretty mellow so I said OK. When the sudden mob of eager kids surged my way there were tears, tears of pain as the cat attached himself to me, permanently.
You brought a tear to my eye reading this post as its such a common thing that happens, that people become SO wrapped up in work without thinking about the really important things in life. Of course the business is uber important, in the same way that Bronco is to us … but we have learnt through our own experiences that you have to get your priorities right… and kids will always come first.
It seems to me, that this is the year of enlightenment. You know what happened to me before xmas: it took me some snow and some lack of friction to awaken to my senses.
Somebody else may be luckier and awaken while eating a chocolate cake :)
Somebody else may have an harder time awakening while boxing against Mike Tyson.
But as the Green day say: ”
Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test
and don’t ask why.
It’s not a question
but a lesson learned in time.
It’s something unpredictable
but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.”
Dave, samething happened to me last month. I took my twins tp their first NBA game and when all 3 of us were jumping and cheering I couldnt help but shed a few. That is totally what life is about, family.
Thanks for sharing.
I cried as read this, cried harder as I read it to your father and watched him wipe tears from his eyes…tears of pride for the man, husband, father our little boy has become. Thanks for sharing these moments that will forever stay in your heart and Dante’s memories.
That was such a beautiful story mate, thank you so much for sharing, I know it will definitely make me take a hard look around at the wonderful family I have. Thank you.
Dave, my heart is pierced… Did you request transparent ink when getting your tattoos? Thank you for sharing and being so open.
The timing of reading your “reality” situation confirmed to me that I’ve been taking the right steps to adjust lifestyle to spend more time with friends and family. It saddened me to repeatedly hear loved ones say, “you’re always so busy, I hate to bother you…”
A mentor reminded me that, on our death beds, we will not look back at life and say, “I wish I would have worked more.”
Hope all of us reading this make changes and grow from your reality punch.
Thanks for sharing. Made me cry too. :)
Remember that when your kid gets older and they do “career” day in school, you’ll likely be exempt :.)
Ultimately, you’ve worked hard to give your family a better life…and the fact you’ve clearly succeeded at that is a powerfully emotional trigger.
Thanks for sharing. Great story.
Awesome post Dave. Way to keep it real and props for sharing. You’re a good man and awesome father.
Great post, Chief!
Good one, buddy.